That sinking feeling in your stomach. The constant walking on eggshells. The sense that you are always the one in the wrong, even when you cannot figure out why. If this sounds familiar, you might not just be in a “difficult” relationship. You could be experiencing emotional manipulation in relationships, a subtle but damaging form of control that can leave you feeling drained and full of self-doubt.
Unlike physical assault, the scars of emotional manipulation are invisible. It is a lonely place to be, but you are not alone, and your feelings are valid. Recognising what is happening is the first step toward reclaiming your peace of mind.
1. Gaslighting
This is a tactic where the manipulator makes you question your own memory, perception, and sanity. They will deny saying or doing things you clearly remember, telling you that you are “imagining things,” “being too sensitive,” or “going crazy.”
2. Constant Guilt Trips
They make you feel responsible for their emotions and problems. If they are unhappy, it is presented as your fault. They use phrases like “If you really cared, you would…” to pressure you into doing things you are not comfortable with.
3. The Silent Treatment
Instead of communicating openly, they use silence as a punishment. By ignoring you for hours or days, they create anxiety and desperation, often forcing you to apologise just to end the uncomfortable silence, even if you did nothing wrong.
4. Moving the Goalposts
No matter what you do, it is never good enough. When you meet one of their demands, they invent a new one or find a flaw in your effort. This tactic keeps you in a constant state of striving for approval that you will never receive.
5. Isolating You
A manipulator will try to cut you off from your support system. They may complain about your friends, create drama when you want to see family, or make you feel guilty for spending time with others, thereby increasing your dependence on them.
6. Playing the Victim
They have a remarkable ability to twist any situation to make themselves look like the injured party. They refuse to take accountability for their actions and instead manipulate the narrative so that you end up feeling sorry for them and questioning your own right to be upset.
7. Using Your Insecurities Against You
They will learn your vulnerabilities and use them as weapons. During an argument, they might bring up a fear or insecurity you shared in confidence to belittle you, embarrass you, or win the fight.
The Legal Aspect: Gathering Evidence
Recognising that you are being manipulated is a personal battle; proving it in a legal setting is a practical one. In the Singapore Family Justice Courts, your account is important, but it becomes much more powerful when supported by clear evidence.
This is especially true when filing for a Divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour or seeking a Protection Order under the Protection from Harassment Act (POHA).
Here’s a practical guide on what to document and how.
1. Preserve Digital Communications
In today’s world, a lot of manipulation happens via text. These messages can be your strongest evidence because they are dated, time-stamped, and written in the manipulator’s own words.
- What to Keep: Save screenshots of text messages, WhatsApp conversations, emails, and social media messages or comments that are threatening, insulting, demeaning, or show clear signs of gaslighting or guilt-tripping.
- How to Do It: Don’t just leave them on your phone. Take clear screenshots that include the date and time. Back them up to a secure cloud service (like Google Drive or Dropbox) or email them to a trusted friend or a new email account that your partner cannot access. This ensures you still have them even if your phone is lost or broken.
2. Keep a Detailed Private Journal
Your consistent, personal record of events can form a compelling narrative for the Court. A journal helps establish a pattern of behaviour that might otherwise be dismissed as isolated incidents.
- What to Write: For each incident, note down the date, time, and location. Describe what happened as factually as possible. What was said? What was done? How did it make you feel? Include the aftermath—for example, if they gave you the silent treatment for two days after the incident.
- How to Do It: Use a password-protected app on your phone or a physical notebook that you can keep in a secure place (like at your office or a friend’s house). Consistency is key. Writing things down as soon as they happen keeps the memory fresh and the details accurate.
3. Note Any Witnesses
Emotional manipulation often happens behind closed doors, but not always. Sometimes, friends or family members may have witnessed incidents or seen the aftermath.
- What to Note: Did a friend overhear a belittling phone call? Did your family notice you becoming more withdrawn after your partner made a scene? Write down who was there, what they saw or heard, and the date of the incident.
- Why It Matters: While your friends and family may not want to testify, their willingness to provide a written statement (an affidavit) can lend significant weight to your case by corroborating your account of the events.
4. Track Financial Control
If the manipulation involves money—a common tactic for control—keep records of it. This could be a form of financial abuse.
- What to Track: Document instances where you were denied access to joint funds, given an unreasonably small “allowance,” forced to account for every cent spent, or had your own earnings taken from you.
- How to Document: Keep bank statements, copies of receipts, and note any conversations about money in your journal.
An Important Legal Note: While gathering evidence is important, your safety comes first. Do not do anything that would put you at risk. Furthermore, be aware of Singapore’s laws regarding secret recordings. Recording a conversation you are a part of is generally permissible, but secretly recording conversations between other people is illegal.
This information is intended as a helpful guide, not as formal legal advice. The process of gathering and presenting evidence for the Court is complex. To understand how to build a strong case based on your specific circumstances, it is essential to consult with an experienced Divorce lawyer in Singapore.
Conclusion About The Signs Of Emotional Manipulation In Relationships
Recognising that you are in an emotionally manipulative relationship is a huge and courageous step. It is the moment you stop blaming yourself and start seeing the situation for what it is. Your emotional well-being matters.
You deserve a partnership built on respect, trust, and genuine care, not control and mind games. Taking back control of your life can feel overwhelming, especially when legal processes like Divorce are involved.
Making such a decision is tough, which is why having the right support is essential. If you need guidance through these complex family matters, find the best divorce lawyer in Singapore at Tembusu Law to understand your options.
Contact us today for a free consultation.
Frequently Asked Questions About The Signs Of Emotional Manipulation In Relationships
What Is The Difference Between A Disagreement And Emotional Manipulation?
A disagreement is a normal part of any healthy relationship where both parties express their views, even if they conflict. Emotional manipulation, however, is a one-sided attempt to control the other person’s emotions and behaviour for personal gain. It involves tactics like guilt, shame, and deception rather than open communication.
Can Emotional Manipulation Be A Ground For Divorce In Singapore?
Yes. While not a specific ground on its own, a consistent pattern of emotional manipulation falls under “unreasonable behaviour”. You can file for Divorce by showing the Court that your spouse has behaved in such a way that you cannot reasonably be expected to live with them.
Is Gaslighting Considered A Form Of Abuse In Singapore?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological and emotional abuse. Legally, if it causes harassment, alarm, or distress, it may be covered under the Protection from Harassment Act (POHA). It is a serious tactic that can significantly harm a person’s mental health.
How Can I Prove Emotional Manipulation In Court?
Proving emotional manipulation can be challenging as it often happens behind closed doors. Evidence can include text messages, emails, or recordings that show a pattern of controlling or abusive language. Witness testimony from friends or family who have observed the behaviour can also be very helpful.
What Should My First Step Be If I Suspect Emotional Manipulation?
The first step is to acknowledge your feelings and trust your gut. Begin documenting specific incidents, including dates, times, and what was said or done. Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or professional counsellor to get an outside perspective. Seeking support is key to gaining clarity.
