It often starts with something that seems harmless. A ‘heart’ reaction on a colleague’s Instagram story. A private joke in a Telegram chat with someone who isn’t your partner.
You might feel a small knot in your stomach, a sense of unease you can’t quite name. You tell yourself it’s nothing, but the feeling lingers. This confusing and hurtful experience has a name: micro-cheating.
It sits in that tricky grey area between innocent friendship and outright infidelity. For many Singaporeans in committed relationships, figuring out where that line is can be a source of real anxiety and conflict.
So, What Is the Real Meaning of Micro Cheating?
Let’s get straight to it. The meaning of micro-cheating isn’t about physical betrayal. Instead, it refers to a pattern of seemingly small, secretive actions that create emotional or intellectual intimacy with someone outside your relationship. It’s about crossing boundaries that should be reserved for your partner.
Essentially, what micro cheating comes down to is intent and secrecy. If you are doing something you wouldn’t do in front of your partner, or if you feel the need to hide a conversation or interaction, you are likely wandering into micro-cheating territory. It chips away at trust, which is the very foundation of a committed partnership.
What Is Considered as Micro Cheating?
The lines can feel blurry, so looking at specific behaviours helps. Here are some examples of micro-cheating that might feel a bit too familiar:
- Secretive Digital Chats: Having ongoing, personal, and emotionally charged conversations with someone online that you actively hide from your partner. This includes deleting chat histories or using apps known for their secrecy.
- Downplaying Your Relationship: Intentionally omitting the fact you have a partner when talking to someone you are attracted to, or making your relationship sound less serious than it is.
- Confiding In Them First: Sharing your big news, a work problem, or your struggles with this other person before you even think to tell your partner. Your partner should be your first port of call, not an afterthought.
- The “Work Spouse” That Goes Too Far: While a close professional relationship is fine, it crosses a line when you start sharing intimate details about your life, marriage, or personal feelings that you no longer share with your actual spouse.
- Saving a Contact Under a Fake Name: This is a huge red flag. If you are hiding someone’s identity in your phone, you know the interaction is inappropriate.
- Secret Financial Gestures: Regularly sending someone small amounts of money via PayLah! or buying them coffee or lunch without your partner’s knowledge, especially if there is a flirtatious energy behind it.
- Obsessively Following Someone on Social Media: This goes beyond a casual glance. We are talking about constantly checking someone’s profile, stories, and posts, and engaging in ways that suggest a deeper interest.
- Changing Your Appearance or Routine for Them: Putting extra effort into your appearance on days you know you will see a certain person, or altering your daily path just for a chance to “casually” bump into them.
- Sharing Private Jokes and ‘You Had to Be There’ Moments: Creating a special, exclusive world of inside jokes and memories with someone else can make your partner feel like an outsider in their relationship.
Can This Lead to Divorce?
This is a question we hear often. While micro cheating itself is not a legal ground for filing for a Divorce in Singapore, its consequences absolutely can be.
In Singapore, the sole ground for a Divorce is the “irretrievable breakdown” of the marriage. To prove this to the Court, you must use one of four facts. A consistent pattern of micro-cheating often falls under the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. The argument is that your spouse has behaved in such a way that you cannot reasonably be expected to live with them.
The Court will look at the cumulative effect of these actions. One ‘like’ on a photo is nothing. But a sustained pattern of secret texts, emotional confessions to a third party, and lying about these interactions can form the basis for unreasonable behaviour. It demonstrates a profound lack of respect and emotional abandonment, which can make continuing the marriage impossible.
Conclusion About Micro-Cheating
Discovering micro cheating is painful. It creates doubt and insecurity, eroding the safety of your relationship. While some couples can work through it with honest communication and by setting clear boundaries, for others, it’s a sign that the trust is broken beyond repair.
If you find that these actions have destroyed the trust in your marriage, it might be time to consider your next steps. Understanding your legal position is the first move towards finding clarity and peace of mind. If you need advice on how the Court might view these behaviours in a Divorce proceeding, it is important to speak with a professional.
For expert guidance and free consultation, reach out to the best divorce lawyer in Singapore at Tembusu Law.
Frequently Asked Questions About Micro-Cheating
What Is The Main Difference Between Micro Cheating And Flirting?
Flirting is often lighthearted, transparent, and not intended to create a secret, deep emotional connection. Micro cheating, however, involves secrecy and the deliberate building of an emotional intimacy with a third party that undermines your primary relationship.
Is Texting An Ex Considered Micro Cheating?
It depends on the context. A friendly, occasional “happy birthday” text that your partner knows about is usually fine. However, frequent, secret, or emotionally intimate conversations with an ex would certainly be considered micro cheating by most people.
How Does The Singapore Court View Evidence Of Micro Cheating?
The Court doesn’t recognise “micro cheating” as a term. Instead, it would view the specific actions (like secret texts, inappropriate messages, and lies) as evidence to support the claim of “unreasonable behaviour,” which is a valid fact to prove the breakdown of a marriage for a Divorce.
Can Micro Cheating Happen In A Non-Married Relationship?
Absolutely. Micro cheating is about breaking the trust and boundaries of a committed, exclusive relationship, whether you are married, engaged, or in a long-term partnership. The emotional hurt is the same.
What Should I Do If I Suspect My Partner Is Micro Cheating?
The first step is to try and have an open and honest conversation about your feelings and the specific behaviours that are concerning you. If the behaviour continues or if trust cannot be rebuilt, you may need to re-evaluate the relationship and seek external advice.
