For immediate help with domestic violence, call the police on 999. Alternatively, get advice by calling the AWARE Helpline on 1800 777 5555 (Mon – Fri, 10am – 6pm) or seek shelter at a Family Service Centre.
Domestic violence is a serious but largely hidden crime that can affect people of any age, gender, personality and stature. A 2019 poll found at least 30 percent of people in Singapore were victims of domestic violence, or knew someone who was. The same survey revealed confusion over its definition: a quarter of respondents believed that hitting a spouse only qualifies as domestic violence if it leaves a physical wound, while 30 percent did not consider verbal threats or restrainment as abuse.
The truth is that domestic abuse takes many forms, from verbal threats to physical violence. It constitutes legal grounds for divorce in Singapore and can continue for years under the surface before anyone becomes aware of the problem.
This is why recognising the warning signs of domestic abuse is so important. Awareness empowers individuals to take action, seek help, and prevent further harm before it’s too late.
What Is Domestic Violence?
Section 64 of the Women’s Charter defines domestic violence as any of the following committed against current or former spouses, parents, siblings, parents-in-law, children (including adopted or step children), relatives and any other individual the court deems to be a family member:
- Purposefully placing a family member in fear of hurt
- Hurting a family member physically
- Wrongly restraining a family member against his/her will
- Harassing a family member with intent to cause hurt
Due to the prevalence, potential harm and common misconceptions around domestic violence, it’s important to understand what it entails and what to do if you are a victim. Here, we’ll detail some of the signs to look out for if you think you may be a victim of domestic violence or in danger of becoming one.
1. Violent Tendencies
While it’s normal for couples to disagree on occasion, it should never lead to any form of violence. If your partner is prone to throwing objects around, breaking furniture, smacking the walls or using force in any other way, this is a form of domestic violence and can quickly lead to direct attacks.
2. Controlling Behaviour
Domestic abuse frequently revolves around control, and there are many ways in which your partner may try to maintain power over you. These behaviours can range from excessive and unnecessary criticism to responding to disagreement with verbal threats; they may also be inclined to turn calm arguments into shouting matches, or use intimidation to take charge of mutual decisions. Controlling behaviour is unacceptable and can be a pathway to physical violence.
3. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where a person makes their partner doubt themselves, and frequently occurs alongside or in the build-up to domestic violence. This can involve questioning the accuracy of your memories or perception of an incident, which may cause you to distrust your own views and wrongfully assume guilt for any problems within the relationship.
4. Sexual Assault And Abuse
Forcing someone to have sex without their consent is a form of sexual assault, even if the people involved are married or otherwise in a relationship. Sexual assault is a form of abuse and is not restricted to intercourse; it includes a range of associated acts such as unwanted touching or being coerced into watching pornography. It may also involve sex that is unprotected without consent, such as removing a condom without your knowledge. Sexual assault is never the fault of the victim, regardless of the circumstances.
5. Physical Abuse
Physical abuse is among the most serious and harmful signs of domestic violence. Hitting, kicking, punching, scratching and biting are all forms of physical abuse, even if they don’t leave any marks. Instances which do leave a mark, such as a bruise or scar, should be documented as evidence and supported by a medical report if possible.
6. Verbal Abuse And Threats
Domestic abuse is not always physical—verbal abuse can be just as damaging. An abuser may use words to intimidate, humiliate, or control their partner. This includes frequent name-calling, belittling, constant criticism, shouting, and public humiliation. Over time, these behaviours can destroy a person’s self-worth and make them feel trapped in the relationship.
Threats are another form of abuse, where the abuser might say things like, “If you leave me, I’ll ruin your life,” or “No one else will ever love you.” These tactics instil fear and prevent victims from seeking help or leaving. Even if no physical violence has occurred, ongoing verbal abuse is a strong sign of domestic abuse that should never be ignored.
7. Financial Control and Economic Abuse
Many victims find it difficult to leave an abusive relationship due to financial dependence. Economic abuse happens when an abuser controls all the finances, restricts access to money, sabotages employment opportunities, or prevents their partner from working. They may take their partner’s salary, refuse to give them money for essentials, or closely monitor every purchase.
In some cases, abusers deliberately rack up debt in their partner’s name to keep them financially tied to the relationship. This control makes it nearly impossible for the victim to gain independence or make decisions about their own future. Financial abuse is a common but less recognised form of domestic abuse, and it can leave victims feeling powerless and unable to escape the situation.
8. Isolation From Friends and Family
Abusers often seek to cut off their partner’s support system, making them more reliant on the relationship. This isolation can be subtle at first—complaining about certain friends, causing arguments whenever the victim tries to socialise, or guilt-tripping them into staying home. Over time, the abuser may forbid communication with certain people, control who the victim talks to, or demand to know their whereabouts at all times.
They may also create tension between the victim and their loved ones by spreading false accusations or manipulating situations to make the victim feel like they have no one else to turn to. By isolating their partner, the abuser ensures they have complete control and that the victim feels too alone or ashamed to seek help.
9. Extreme Jealousy And Possessiveness
While jealousy can be normal in relationships, excessive jealousy and possessiveness can be a red flag for domestic abuse. An abusive partner may constantly accuse their partner of being unfaithful, demand to know their whereabouts at all times, or attempt to control their social interactions. They may also check their partner’s phone, emails, or social media accounts without permission, insisting it’s a way to ‘protect’ the relationship. Over time, this behaviour can escalate into complete control, making the victim feel suffocated and fearful of upsetting their partner.
10. Threats Of Harm Or Suicide To Manipulate
A common tactic used by abusers is threatening self-harm or suicide as a means of control. They may say things like, “If you leave me, I’ll hurt myself” or “You’re responsible for my actions” to guilt their partner into staying.
This form of emotional blackmail makes the victim feel trapped and responsible for the abuser’s well-being. Such manipulation is a dangerous sign of emotional abuse and often prevents victims from leaving an unsafe situation.
How To Seek Help When Experiencing Domestic Abuse In Singapore?
There is no justification for domestic violence and it’s important to seek help as soon as possible, especially if sexual or physical violence is involved. Contact the police on 999 for immediate assistance, or call one of these helplines for general advice.
Where immediate assistance isn’t required, you can speak with a lawyer to explore your options and find out how you can be protected from further harm. It’s important to remember that addressing the issue does not necessarily mean the relationship is over, so don’t delay seeking help for fear of losing your partner.
If your situation involves marital issues, consider consulting a divorce lawyer in Singapore to understand your legal rights. In more severe cases, seeking advice from a criminal lawyer in Singapore may be necessary to ensure your protection.
Conclusion About Warning Signs Of Domestic Abuse
Understanding what are the signs of domestic abuse is the first step in stopping the cycle of harm. Abuse is not always physical—it can take the form of verbal threats, emotional manipulation, financial control, and coercion, making it difficult for victims to recognise and escape. Many endure abuse in silence, hoping things will change, but the reality is that abuse often escalates over time.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, it is important to take action before the situation worsens. Legal protection is available, and you do not have to face this alone.
At Tembusu Law, we provide confidential legal support to help victims secure protection orders, navigate divorce proceedings, and take the necessary legal steps to ensure their safety and well-being.
Your safety matters and help is available
Frequently Asked Questions About Signs Of Domestic Abuse
Is Domestic Abuse Only Considered Physical Violence?
No, domestic abuse can take many forms, including verbal threats, emotional manipulation, financial control, and sexual abuse. Physical violence is just one aspect of an abusive relationship.
Can I Take Legal Action Against An Abusive Partner In Singapore?
Yes, you can apply for a Personal Protection Order (PPO) to legally restrict an abuser’s actions. Domestic violence is also a legal ground for divorce in Singapore.
What Should I Do If I Suspect Someone I Know Is Experiencing Domestic Abuse?
Offer support and encouragement without judgment. Help them explore their options and encourage them to seek professional or legal help.
Are There Support Services Available For Domestic Abuse Victims In Singapore?
Yes, victims can seek help from family service centres, shelters, crisis hotlines, and legal professionals like Tembusu Law for guidance and protection.
